Tag Archives: Christian

The “Religion vs. Relationship” Fallacy

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I’ve posted about this before, but, since it’s such a recurring theme on social media, I might as well revisit it. I’m not sure when it happened, but someone, somewhere, sometime got the idea that religion is “bad” and relationship is “good.” I don’t know who it was, but it certainly wasn’t Jesus. He never told anyone to abandon religion in order to have a good relationship with God.

Jesus did give the religious leaders of His day a hard time for being hypocrites. Jesus did not say that the religion they had been placed in charge of was bad. In fact, Jesus was a faithful Jew. He knew that God had established the Jewish religion through Abraham, Moses and the Prophets.  Jesus was not Jewish by accident. He was Jewish because Judaism was God’s established religion (His religion). Jesus actually told the people to obey the Pharisees. However, He also warned them not to be hypocrites like the Pharisees (Matt 23:1-3).

When Jesus established the New Covenant, He did not abolish religion. He fulfilled the Law and started the new religion that the old religion had foreshadowed. He founded His Church and chose leaders for it (you don’t need leaders if there is no religion to lead). Jesus gave these new religious leaders specific instructions on how to follow the new religion which we, of course, know as Christianity. Jesus did not do this so that we could “earn our way to Heaven.” He did it so that we would know HOW to be in the proper relationship with Him.

There is a false idea being preached that we must either choose “religion” OR “relationship.” This is not the only “either/or” fallacy floating around. Here are some others:

  • EITHER the Church’s authority is right OR the Bible’s authority is right.
  • EITHER you believe faith saves OR you believe works save.
  • EITHER you wrongly confess to a priest OR you confess to God.
  • EITHER you believe Jesus is the One Mediator OR you wrongly pray to Mary and the Saints.

To correct such fallacies, one only needs to understand what Jesus understands, namely, the great BOTH/AND:

  • Jesus gave His authority to His Church and from that Church sprang the canon of Scripture (i.e. The Bible). Authority belongs to BOTH the Church AND the Bible. They work together.
  • Faith without works is dead (James 2:17). Faith alone does not save you, nor will your works alone save you. What saves you is faith working in love. BOTH faith AND works together save.
  • Jesus breathed on them and said, “Who’s sins you forgive are forgiven, who’s sins you retain are retained.” (John 20:22-23) Such forgiveness is allowed only by the authority of Jesus. The sins are confessed to God and God forgives the sins through His official instrument the priest. BOTH the priest AND God are involved in the process, not either/or.
  • Jesus is “the One Mediator between God and Man.” (1Tim 2:5) He allows all members of His Body to participate in His mediation with Him. That’s why we can pray for each other (i.e. mediate or intercede for each other). The saints in Heaven are part of the Body of Christ. We can ask them to pray for us, too. Such mediation does not “replace” Jesus any more than you are “replacing” Jesus when you ask your pastor to pray for you. Again, it’s the great BOTH/AND.

Jesus does not want us to “give up religion” in order to “accept a relationship” with Him. Jesus wants us to accept BOTH Him AND His religion together. The either/or fallacy of religion vs. relationship causes a lot of harm because it keeps people away from the very thing Jesus created to keep us close to Him; His Church and the Sacraments! The either/or fallacies are often directed specifically at Catholic Christians. “You’re just following a religion! You need a relationship with Jesus!”

There are indeed many Catholics that need to discover an authentic relationship with Christ, but abandoning Christ’s established religion is not the remedy! The remedy is for these Catholics (and all Christians) to embrace the true meaning of Catholicism and understand the great BOTH/AND that Jesus intended!

There are also a great many Christians that feel they have a relationship with Christ, but they have abandoned, or perhaps never discovered, His true religion! In this case, relationship lacks the authentic religion established by Christ. They love Jesus, but they are unaware of just how close He desires to be to them through His Sacraments (particularly the Eucharist). Many of them believe that Church problems justify rejection of the Church, but that is not the response of Jesus. He never condemned Judaism because of the Pharisees. The Apostles never abandoned the Church because of Judas or even their own disputes. Whatever problems Catholics may have, The Catholic Church still remains Christ’s one, holy, apostolic Church.

Many people claim a relationship with Jesus but reject all notions of “organized religion.” Essentially, they create their own religions with their own rituals and observances. Somehow, they have determined that their own, “unorganized” religion is superior to the religion established by Jesus Himself. This is a symptom of the predominant relativism and self-centered thinking of our age. Doing “whatever feels best to you” doesn’t typically work in a marriage, a family, a job or any real friendship. Why do people believe it is the best way to have a relationship with God? The object of worship in such a “religion” is one’s personal feelings, not Jesus.

We don’t need to choose between “religion” and “relationship.” We need to choose THE religion that embodies the fullness of the relationship Jesus wants with us. Why would a husband get his wife a toaster for a gift when she desires flowers? Perhaps because he does not know her very well, or he simply does not care what she wants? Maybe the toaster was conveniently at hand or more to his liking. He may give her such misguided gifts “religiously,” but it is not the relationship his wife truly desires. What he needs to do to nurture the relationship is religiously bring her flowers.

We all have some “religion” we follow. What we must determine is, “What religion does Jesus desire us to have, and why did He make it so? For the faithful Catholic, religion is not the opposite of relationship; our religion is the embodiment of the relationship Christ desires to have with us. Religion/relationship; the great BOTH/AND.

The Fiat: Let It Be Done To Me

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Our-Lady-Queen-of-the-FiatMy newest favorite image of Our Lady.

“Love is the uniting of our will to the will of God.”

-Fr. Jean C.J. d’Elbee (I Believe in Love)

The Sisters of the Fiat

The spirituality of the Fiat

Go Ahead And Be A Princess, Girl!

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I recently took my family to see the new Cinderella movie.  I applaud Disney for making this movie.  Prior to seeing it, I watched Fr. Barron’s video commentary.  You can watch it yourself, so I’ll not go into everything Fr. Barron said.  Suffice it to say, he helped me see the story from a Christian perspective.  For me, it made the movie that much more impressive and inspirational to watch.  (If you have not seen the movie, there are a few little spoilers in Fr. Barron’s commentary, but they didn’t bother me).

Disney princesses tend to get a lot of criticism from people that disapprove of their unrealistic representation of girls.  Disney makes their waists too thin, their eyes too big and their hair too perfect.  These princesses rely too much on being rescued by handsome princes when they ought to be fending for themselves and determining their own destinies.  They give girls the wrong idea of what true feminism is, superficially and internally.  Some of this criticism is probably justified.

Recently, there were billboards around my city advertising for an all girl Catholic high school.  The ads had fairy tale imagery and the message was, “You’re not a princess,” or “Make your own dreams come true.”  I understood that the idea being promoted was for girls to get their heads out of the fairy tale clouds, quit waiting to be rescued, stop being the proverbial “fair maidens in distress” and get a practical education.  I think the idea certainly has merit.  However, I believe girls need not relinquish the title of “Princess,” as long as they know where true royalty comes from.

The Cinderella story (and the movie) focuses on the Catholic virtues of fortitude (courage) and charity (kindness).  Other virtues are exemplified within the movie as well.  Fr. Barron’s video commentary highlights the Christian salvation theme in the story and how it mirrors the relationship between Christ and His Church.  Cinderella is all of us.  We do need to be rescued from the slavery of sin which covers our true beauty.  We do need to embrace virtue.

As Christians, we are all called to embody fortitude, charity and all the virtues.  We know from Romans 8:15 that we are adopted children of God and cry, “Abba, Father.”  We know from 1Peter 2:9-10 that we are royalty.  We are destined to reign with God on high.  As children of The King, what else can we be but princesses and princes?

I have no qualms about referring to my daughter as a princess and my son as a prince, because I am teaching them that they are children of the King.  As they grow, they will know that their ultimate destinies lie not with Disney, but with royalty on high.  They will know that, long before there ever was a Disney, they were called from above to have courage and to be kind.  They will know they have a seat at the royal table.

This Is That Love

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Out of all the religions, what makes authentic Christianity unique is that, from the beginning of time, God seeks us. It’s not about adopting a set of moral values and principles…it’s about knowing God, the person of Jesus Christ, intimately. So intimately, in fact, that an eternal, physical AND spiritual union between God and His creatures takes place.

You know that love that everyone yearns for in the deepest places of their hearts? This is it.

Self

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Self awareness is good. I must pay attention to my body, my thoughts and my soul. I must know myself and know how I may be affecting myself and those around me for better or for worse.

Self care is good. My body, my mind and my soul are gifts given to me. I must take good care of these gifts and not neglect them or abuse them.

Self control is good. I am responsible for managing my emotions and for choosing my thoughts and my actions. No one else can do this for me.

Self-centeredness is not good. I am not the center of all things; God is. My life must revolve around God. God is love. Love includes self, but love is not centered on self. Love must ultimately be centered on others.

Hypocrites In The Church

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Imagine if you were watching the Family Feud game show and the host said, “Name a reason people stop going to church.”  The number one answer on the board would likely be “Hypocrisy.”  We hear this frequently.  “I stopped going to church,” or “I never go to church,” or “I changed my church,” or even, “I no longer believe in God because of all the hypocrites.”

The fatal flaw in such reasoning is that there is nowhere in the world to go where there are no hypocrites.  It has often been said that if you discover the “perfect” church, don’t go in.  If you go in, it will then contain a hypocrite, and you will have ruined it.  We are all hypocrites.  Some of us may try to deny it, but the fact remains that we are all imperfect.

Should you decide to eschew “organized religion” and worship God independently, all you will accomplish is to organize your own, private religion with one member that just happens to be a hypocrite.  So, that doesn’t solve the problem.  Your “private church” will still be full of hypocrites.

Hundreds of years ago, reformers tried to “fix” hypocrisy in the Church.   Consequently, all of the churches started since the Reformation have been started by imperfect human beings who happen to have all been hypocrites.  The Church was originally formed by Jesus Christ.  Jesus is the only man who ever lived that was a perfect, non-hypocrite.  Consequently, when choosing a church, why not at least choose the one that was formed by a perfect, non-hypocrite?  Why should an imperfect hypocrite believe that he or she can re-form what was already formed by the perfect, non-hypocrite, Jesus Christ?

Hypocrites in the Church do not negate the truth of the Church anymore than out-of-shape people in a gym negate the benefits of exercise.  Instead of trying to run away from hypocrites we need to be running towards Christ and embracing the benefits of His Church.  Otherwise, we’re just running from hypocrisy into the arms of more hypocrisy.

“What Would Jesus Do?” Try Asking, “What Did Jesus Do?”

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“What would Jesus do?”

The answer to that question often depends on who you ask.  It’s a question that fits nicely into the relativistic mind of our age.  It allows each of us to thoughtfully rub our chins, look up at the sky and say, “Well, I believe Jesus would…”  So, the question is really just Jiminy Cricket’s “follow your conscience” line wearing a Christian mask.  It is relativism presented as religion.  Whatever answer you come up with is as good as anyone else’s answer as long as we are all “sincere.”

Often, the honest answer to the question “What would Jesus do?” is “I really don’t know.”  His disciples lived with him for three years and Jesus constantly kept them surprised and guessing.  Why are we so convinced that we have Jesus pegged?  For example, it astounds me when celebrities claim to know what Jesus would or would not approve of, as if being a famous celebrity makes one an authority on the mind of Christ.

When we ask, “What would Jesus do?” we can only think and act hypothetically.  We can only speculate and take our best guess.  Maybe we’re helping, maybe we’re doing harm.  What if we decide to do the exact opposite of what Jesus would actually do?  Our world faces daily situations for which there are no explicit instructions in the Bible.  Dealing in general, biblical principles does not always provide enough specifics.  Asking what Jesus would do often doesn’t help much.

Perhaps a more helpful question is, “What did Jesus do?”  There are documented answers to that question.  In terms of what our world faces today, an important answer is, “Jesus established an authoritative, teaching Church to guide us and to spiritually feed us.”  In the midst of all the confusion over what Jesus would do, we have a Church to inform us of what we as followers of Jesus in this present day are to do and what we are not to do.

I sometimes hear people defend immorality by stating that the Bible is silent or ambiguous about certain modern day issues.  Of course it is!  Jesus never told his disciples to write a book to instruct us on every possible, future, moral issue.  Jesus established a Church (only one Church) with the authority to provide us with those instructions on faith and morals.  Jesus did not establish multiple church denominations to speculate and argue about what He might or might not do.  Men established those churches (some very recently).

God is not the author of confusion.  Jesus did not leave us with a Bible, the Holy Spirit and hypothetical questions about what He would do.  He left us with His Church, guided by the Holy Spirit, to lead us into all truth.  Does this mean we always have every answer to every question?  No.  Does it mean we put it to a vote when we are confused about what Jesus would do?  No (Christianity is not a democracy).  It means that by following His Church we are following Jesus.  We are to strive for obedience to the faith, not speculation.

It comes down to trust (i.e. faith).  Either we trust with all our heart that Jesus knew what He was doing when He established the Church (trust what He did), or we try to constantly change the Church to conform to our speculations about what Jesus would do (lean on our own understanding and feelings).

Fear

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It is good when fear motivates us to jump away from a coiling snake or to wear our seat belts.  These are examples of God-given reflexes and reason.  It is not good when fear motivates us to sin.  Much sin is rooted in fear.  It stems from a lack of trust in God.  Our fears are exploited by the powers of darkness and used to tempt us away from love and toward sin.  I am reminded of the line from the classic movie Poltergeist, “It knows what scares you.”

Virtually any sin we can think of can be traced back to some fear.  Virtually any fear can result in some type of sin.

We Americans like to talk about rights and justice.  Seldom do we get to the heart of the matter.  When we violate God’s moral or natural laws we are usually motivated by fears which fuel our lack of trust in God.  We also like to use the word “love,” but we fail to understand the word.  We think love is simply another pleasant emotion instead of a courageous, selfless act of the will.

We are taught that courage is a virtue and that fear is a weakness.  So, instead of admitting that we have sinned because we are afraid, we mask our sins under the cover of “rights” and “justice.”  This makes us seem courageous, but often it is just like Adam and Eve hiding from God and wearing “fig leaves” to cover their shame.  So, the first step is to recognize sin for what it is and choose God’s love instead (even when it’s really, really hard).  Otherwise we remain stuck in the circular rationalization of our sins.

Next, we must ask ourselves what we are afraid of.  When we acknowledge our fears we are better able to see how they pave the way for sin.  Is our sin rooted in a fear of what we might miss out on (some pleasure, perhaps)?  Is it rooted in a fear of increased responsibility?  Is it a financial fear?  Is it a health related fear?  Whatever the fear, there is likely a lack of trust in God that accompanies it.  So, we choose our way instead of God’s way, and we sin.  We violate God’s moral or natural law.  We choose fear over love.

“God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” (2Tim 1:7)  “There is no fear in love; but perfect love castes out fear; because fear has torment.  He that fears has not been made perfect in love.” (1John 4:18)

What are your fears?  You may have to dig deep to find some of them.  Can you choose God’s ways in the face of them?  Will you let perfect love cast them out?  Or will you remain crouched behind your right to do things your way?

Love

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People use the word “love” in various ways.  Usually, it has something to do with how they feel about someone or something.  “I love ice cream,” or “I love walks on the beach,” or “I love my boyfriend,” etc.  Love has been so thoroughly linked to feeling, emotion and romance that people tend to perceive it as being beyond their control.  “Falling” in love is like slipping on a banana peel.  It just “happens” to us and there is nothing we can do about it.

There is a higher form of love.  Although it may involve experiencing certain emotions, it is not, in and of itself, an emotion.  This higher form of love is a choice.  It is an act of the will.  It does not “just happen.”  It must be consciously chosen.  It must be chosen even when the feelings connected with it are unpleasant or undesirable.  Feelings cannot guide this kind of love.  It transcends feelings.

To really love someone is to will the highest good for that person regardless of one’s feelings toward that person.  This is why Jesus commands us to love our enemies.  He is calling us to the higher form of love that is not guided by emotion.  What good is it to only love your friends?  Even the worst people can do that because they are using the lowest form of “love” which is based on feelings rather than choice.  Anyone can fall in and out of love while riding the waves of emotion.  Higher love (godly love) demands that we make a choice and stick to it despite our feelings.

I think it was G.K. Chesterton who said, “There is a reason Jesus told us to love our neighbors and also to love our enemies.  It is because they tend to be one in the same.”  When pressed for an answer to the question, “Which is the greatest commandment?” Jesus answered, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, soul and strength, and love your neighbor as yourself.”  These two commandments sum up all the rest of God’s laws.  Following this standard cannot be accomplished through the guidance of emotion.  Love is a choice, whether it is a choice to love God or to love our neighbors.  Feelings are secondary and must not derail true love.  Jesus said, “Love your enemies,” not “Like your enemies.”

To love another is to will the highest possible good for that person.  God is the highest possible good.  Therefore, to really love someone is to desire that they become intimately connected to and redeemed by God, the highest possible good.  Emotions are not the bottom line.  Desiring that people find their way to the highest possible good is the bottom line.  That is godly love.

Think about a person that you find the most emotionally difficult to love.  When you decide that you want the highest possible good for that person despite your feelings towards that person, then you are on the path of higher love.  When your will takes over for your emotions, then your words and actions can reflect authentic, godly love.  Look at a crucifix and you will see the highest good.  God is love.  The choice is ours.

Faith: “Personal” Or “Private?”

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The words “personal” and “private” may cause confusion at times.  Not everything that is personal needs to be private, although some things are.  In fact, some personal things are actually supposed to be quite public.

For example, a marriage is a very personal, intimate relationship, and spouses keep certain aspects of the relationship very private.  The marriage relationship itself, however, is quit public.  Even so called “private weddings” still require public licenses and witnesses to be valid.  Christian spouses are supposed to be public witnesses to the relationship between Christ and his Church.  So, a very personal relationship is also meant to be a very public one.

One’s annual income is generally considered to be personal information that is also private.  It comes across as rude to inquire about someone’s income.  When asked, “How much do you make?” one might respond, “I’m sorry, that’s personal.”  What is really meant, however, is, “That’s private.”  One’s name is also “personal” information, but we tend to freely divulge it when asked, so it becomes both personal and public.

Privatized religion is a strange phenomenon, especially where Christianity is concerned.  It makes complete sense that one’s religious beliefs are personal, for if one’s faith in God does not impact one’s person, there is little point to it.  This, I believe, is at the heart of why many try to make a distinction between “religion” and “relationship.”  Religion is often branded as impersonal while a relationship is assumed to be personal.  The reality, however, is that religion can and must be quite personal.  The whole point of the Christian religion is to be personally transformed by God.  Yet, the Christian religion is not meant to be “private.”

Christianity is meant to be lived in full view of the public.  The Christian is to be a “city on a hill” not a “light hidden under a bushel.”  Certainly, Christianity is personal.  It should transform a person.  But, if one’s Christian faith is always private, that is a problem.  At some point, many Christians bought into the idea that being open about one’s faith is taboo.  Somehow, the very public proclamation of the Gospel became a “private” matter not to be broached in public.  “Go and spread the Gospel” became “Don’t offend anyone or draw any attention.”  This happened despite the fact that Christians were told from the beginning that their faith would offend many people and that it was supposed to draw attention from the world.  Political correctness has overruled the Great Commission for many Christians.

Now, I can certainly understand why some Christians in certain times and places might keep their faith somewhat private, at least from the powers that be.  For two thousand years many Christians have had to face death and torture for being Christian.  Nevertheless, many of them gave (and still give) their lives rather than recant their belief.  That which is deeply personal need not be private.

I have heard people say things such as, “I don’t go to any church and I don’t want to talk about religion.  My God and I do just fine together.”  My reaction is, “If your faith is such a wonderful thing, why horde it for yourself?  Why keep all of that great stuff hidden from everyone?  That seems like a selfish thing to do, especially if you claim to be a Christian.  Why not tell people about your wonderful God?  Why not proclaim what you believe, why you believe it and what difference it makes to you and to the world?  What are you so afraid of?”

Finally, the Christian faith is about community.  In a community, people give, share and exchange things and ideas.  Christianity is not about isolation.  The idea is to have a relationship with Christ and then share the benefits of that relationship with others.  Christianity is not a private “security blanket” to be clung to like the Peanuts character Linus.  Christianity is a treasure to be freely distributed to others in word and in action.

So, by all means, have a deeply personal, Christian faith.  Just don’t keep it private.  Share the joy.