Category Archives: Fear

Fear

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It is good when fear motivates us to jump away from a coiling snake or to wear our seat belts.  These are examples of God-given reflexes and reason.  It is not good when fear motivates us to sin.  Much sin is rooted in fear.  It stems from a lack of trust in God.  Our fears are exploited by the powers of darkness and used to tempt us away from love and toward sin.  I am reminded of the line from the classic movie Poltergeist, “It knows what scares you.”

Virtually any sin we can think of can be traced back to some fear.  Virtually any fear can result in some type of sin.

We Americans like to talk about rights and justice.  Seldom do we get to the heart of the matter.  When we violate God’s moral or natural laws we are usually motivated by fears which fuel our lack of trust in God.  We also like to use the word “love,” but we fail to understand the word.  We think love is simply another pleasant emotion instead of a courageous, selfless act of the will.

We are taught that courage is a virtue and that fear is a weakness.  So, instead of admitting that we have sinned because we are afraid, we mask our sins under the cover of “rights” and “justice.”  This makes us seem courageous, but often it is just like Adam and Eve hiding from God and wearing “fig leaves” to cover their shame.  So, the first step is to recognize sin for what it is and choose God’s love instead (even when it’s really, really hard).  Otherwise we remain stuck in the circular rationalization of our sins.

Next, we must ask ourselves what we are afraid of.  When we acknowledge our fears we are better able to see how they pave the way for sin.  Is our sin rooted in a fear of what we might miss out on (some pleasure, perhaps)?  Is it rooted in a fear of increased responsibility?  Is it a financial fear?  Is it a health related fear?  Whatever the fear, there is likely a lack of trust in God that accompanies it.  So, we choose our way instead of God’s way, and we sin.  We violate God’s moral or natural law.  We choose fear over love.

“God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” (2Tim 1:7)  “There is no fear in love; but perfect love castes out fear; because fear has torment.  He that fears has not been made perfect in love.” (1John 4:18)

What are your fears?  You may have to dig deep to find some of them.  Can you choose God’s ways in the face of them?  Will you let perfect love cast them out?  Or will you remain crouched behind your right to do things your way?

Regarding Catholics And Sharing The Faith

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I’ve been pondering the reasons why Catholics tend to be so reserved when it comes to sharing the Faith with others.  There’s no way I can determine all the reasons, but I think I can pinpoint some of the obstacles.  When we know what stands in the way we have a better chance of knocking down those walls.  Interestingly, these reasons for not sharing the faith also relate to why many Catholics leave the Faith when approached by more evangelically-minded church goers.

1)      We are not generally taught to share our faith as individuals.  Occasionally, we may have a missionary priest speak as a guest at a Sunday Mass.  There will be stories of efforts to help people abroad along with an appeal for support.  We typically give the mission our financial support and prayers and that’s it.  Done.  Spreading the gospel is what missionaries are for, right?  Why should I as an individual ever have to open my mouth about my faith?  We don’t see each other witnessing the faith, so we don’t perceive such behavior as the norm.  We think it falls on a select few to openly share the Faith.

2)      The Catholic Church used to have lots of big families which kept the pews filled with new, baby Christians.  Why bother sharing the Faith with others when our numbers increase automatically?  The large, Catholic family is less frequent these days for various reasons.  Nevertheless, the same God that said, “Be fruitful and multiply” also said, “Go into all the world and make disciples of all nations.”  We need both reproductive and evangelical increase in numbers.

3)      We can’t share what we don’t know.  There is a basic level of knowledge about the Faith that the average Catholic is woefully ignorant of.  Woe unto us if we don’t know the information.  Woe unto us, not just woe unto the clergy.  Each and every Catholic is responsible for knowing the Faith through self study.  We don’t have to be theologians or Bible scholars, but we have to know what we believe and why we believe it.  No school teacher ever expected students to learn without doing their homework.  Why do we think the clergy alone can magically teach us everything we need to know from the pulpit?  Do your homework, Catholics!  Read the Bible. Read the Catechism.  Read Catholic books.  Watch DVDs.  Listen to CDs and audio books on your way to work.  Look up information on reputable internet sites.  Stop the excuses and learn your Faith.  We are told to “be ready to give an answer to anyone that asks about the hope that is within you.”  The idea is to “be ready.”  If someone asks you a question about your faith, be ready with more than a deer-in-the-headlights expression.  Being ready requires forethought and education.  If you don’t know the answer, look it up and get back to the person later.

4)      Fear.  Ignorance of the Faith contributes to a lack of confidence about sharing the Faith.  We are afraid to speak up because we don’t want to reveal our ignorance.  Everyone has some degree of fear about taking the spotlight.  Every soldier experiences fear, but the ones with some training can at least form a plan of action.  Again, know your Faith.  You’ll still have some fear of speaking up, but at least you’ll have something to say.

5)      We’re polite and politically correct.  Never talk about religion or politics, right?  You might offend someone or start a big scene.  The problem is that most Catholics don’t know enough to simply say, “No, that’s not really what the Catholic Church teaches,” or “Here’s why the Catholic Church teaches that.”  You don’t have to have big, hostile arguments with people or long, drawn out discussions.  You simply need to plant some seeds.  People are fed a ton of misinformation about Catholicism by the media, by non-Catholic Christians and even by confused or “former” Catholics.  It can have a big impact for an informed Catholic to gently and charitably offer a seed of accurate information.  Give people something to think about.  Speak the truth in love and let the Holy Spirit do the rest.

6)      We’ve bought into the spirit of Relativism.  Why should I spread “my truth” when “their truth” is just as valid as what I believe?  All truth is relative, right?  Wrong.  Jesus told us to go make disciples for a reason.  The reason is that Jesus proclaimed himself to be “the Way, the Truth and the Life.”  Jesus is not simply a way, a truth or a life.  If you don’t believe that, there’s ultimately no reason to be a Catholic.  Don’t sit there in Mass reciting the Creed and then claim that “all truth is relative.”  Again, we’re afraid we might offend someone who believes differently than we do.  Are you going to serve Jesus or relativism?  Make a choice.  You’re allowed to be smart about this.  No one is saying that you have to run through your work place screaming, “Convert to Catholicism or die and go to Hell, you heathens!  And I don’t care if you fire me!”  Scripture tells us to “be as wise as serpents but as harmless as doves.”  Be tactful.  Be kind and loving.  Be sensitive.  Be discreet.  Be quiet when necessary, but at least “be ready”.  Don’t be a relativist.

7)      Our personal, spiritual growth and conversion is stunted.  Conversion and holiness is an ongoing growth process, not a one-time decision.  When we feed our bodies poison, it can stunt our growth, make us ill or even kill us.  The same is true in the spiritual life.  Garbage in, garbage out.  Sharing our faith isn’t even on our radar because we are too occupied with everything else, much of which isn’t worthy of our precious time.  How many hours do we spend being indoctrinated by television, video games, the internet, etc?  How much effort do we put into pleasure-seeking activities?  What would happen if we replaced one hour of television per day with one hour of prayer and reading about the Faith?  Maybe we would actually have something of substance to share with others.

8)      We love lots of other things more than we love Jesus.  Even our lifestyles are often not a good witness for Christ.  What engaged couple is hesitant to tell others about their love?  Their priority is evident.  If we really love Jesus we will have a desire to introduce him to others.  Catholicism is all about a relationship with Jesus, but so many Catholics don’t even realize it.  No wonder other Christians often accuse Catholics of having “religion” but “no relationship with Christ.”  In many cases, the shoe fits.  We will not be able to fully appreciate and share Catholicism, the fullness of the Christian faith, until we fall head over heels in love with Jesus and forsake our idols in life.  Jesus has to be our first love.  That’s what it’s all about, folks!  Catholicism!  Learn it, love it, live it and share it!

A Therapist’s Question

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The question that is famously associated with therapists is, “How does that make you feel?”  There is a time and a place for that question (or a variant of it), but answering it is certainly not all there is to therapy.  There are many questions to be asked and processed.  One question that seems to probe the heart of the matter quite often is, “What are you afraid of?” or “What are you afraid will happen then?”

So many people are driven by fear.  I don’t mean the healthy kind of fear that causes one to avoid genuine danger, but a nagging sense of emptiness or discontentment (I am not necessarily discussing anxiety disorders here).  It is a fear described by Tillich as a fear of “non-being,” although few people draw that conclusion as they move through their fearful lives.  People generally attempt to ease the fear by means of acquiring material goods, pleasures, or by investing in relationships.  Since people, pleasures and things are imperfect and finite, they will eventually disappoint, deteriorate or disappear.  Therefore, the fear remains below the surface.  It is Thoreau’s life of “quiet desperation.”

I have seen many couples, for example, that found in each other what they initially perceived to be the antidote to their fear of non-being.  Yet, they failed to resolve that fear in each other.  They discovered that it is not possible for one person to be “everything” despite what the lyrics of romantic songs may suggest.  They have somehow failed to “complete” each other and now they sit before me, their therapist, wondering what is wrong with their relationship.  Generally, each partner wants me to change the other partner into someone that will ease their underlying fears and make them feel whole.

One of the most repeated phrases in Scripture is, “Fear not,” or, “Do not be afraid.”  Having created us, God understands us to the core.  God also knows that our fear of non-being cannot be entirely eased by people, pleasures or things.  Only God can fill that void.  We are designed that way.  Hence, people of all places and times have turned to some form of religious expression.  As St. Augustine said, “We are restless until we rest in You, oh Lord.”  The admonition to “fear not” is a constant reminder to be adequately unattached to people, places and things, and to place our ultimate “OK-ness” in God alone.  Having placed our trust in God, we become free to fearlessly enjoy God’s gifts without desperately clinging to them as our source of being.  Relationships, pleasures, places and things take on new meaning.

The beauty of Christianity is not that it is one religion of many that seeks after God to resolve the fear of non-being.  The beauty is that through Christianity, God seeks after us.  God, knowing our fear, has revealed Himself to us as the antidote for fear.  We do not need to scratch and claw our way to the peace of God.  God has come down to us, embraced us, and told us to rest in Him.  Jesus shows us that we can live lives of faith, not fear.  There is more to our existence than this short life.  Through Christ we can live abundant lives instead of quietly desperate lives.

If It Ain’t Broke, Don’t Fix It!

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It took me a long time to see the light about the Church’s teaching on birth control.  Like so many other aspects of the Faith, the teaching holds both a simple beauty and a profound complexity.  There is still much I need to learn regarding the Theology of the Body.

If I had to sum up my thoughts on what the Church teaches about human sexuality, I suppose I might use the old adage, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it!”  God knew very well what He was doing when He created our reproductive systems.  Healthy men and women don’t require medications, prophylactics or surgeries to fix or prevent anything.  Our reproductive systems need to be respected and managed, but not broken by being “fixed.”

The idea of natural family planning (NFP) was confusing to me for a long time because I did not grasp the “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” concept.  Why not use chemicals or devices?  These are just various ways of managing the body.  We do all sorts of medical things to manage our bodies.  What’s the big deal?  The big deal turned out to be that artificial birth control “breaks” something that is already operating in a healthy and normal way.  It repairs or enhances nothing.  When else would we go to a doctor and ask for a drug or device to break that which is healthy?  “Gee, Doc, my legs are working so well!  Can you put one of them in a cast for me, please?”  “I have 20/20 vision?  Hey, Doc, can I have some glasses to blur my eyesight and really give me some good headaches?”  NFP does not “break,” or interfere with, a healthy, normal human system.

Artificial birth control does not teach people responsibility.  It teaches people to try and have their cake and eat it, too.  It teaches people that the primary purpose of the reproductive system is pleasure, when in fact, it is procreation.  God was nice enough to make sex pleasurable.  He could have made it as stimulating as shaking hands.  Let’s not forget that those “feel good” nerve endings have lots of other equipment attached to them.  Those nerve endings are part of an entire system, not just “accessories” for us to bat around like cat toys whenever we want.  NFP keeps this in mind by respecting both the pleasurable and the procreative aspects of sexual design.  Everything remains intact, unobstructed and chemical free.  It all works like God designed it to work, baby or no baby.

Incidentally, some people argue that since post menopausal women can no longer conceive, then they should not be having sex if sex is all about procreation.  Again, menopause is perfectly in line with the natural design of human sexuality.  No pills have been taken, no condoms have been put on, and nothing has been unnaturally altered.  So, of course, post menopausal women are allowed to enjoy the natural pleasure of sex.  It’s only natural!  (There are also women that have had hysterectomies or other medically necessary procedures that have rendered them sterile without choice).  And, of course, there are the stories of Sarah and Elizabeth.  God can surprise us.

Much more could be said, but I think the primary motivator is fear.  People are afraid of the responsibility that comes with new life.  That is why we now exist in a culture of death.  People want to have lots of fun without “fearing” the responsibility.  The entitlement mentality and the contraceptive mentality are very close cousins.  Look at it this way: we are not likely to see NFP being used among the promiscuous population.  Not because it is ineffective, but because it requires responsibility, communication, commitment, self control and respect by both partners.  Artificial birth control does not require those qualities in partners.  It only requires a willingness to break a normal, working system by “fixing” it.

I’m not trying to lay a big guilt trip on folks.  I’m just trying to help expose the lies we have swallowed for decades.  Christians in particular should be concerned about whether or not they are actually becoming “one flesh” within their marriages, and whether or not their sex lives are in keeping with God’s natural law.

This is not just a “Catholic” issue.  It’s not true “because the Catholic Church teaches it’s true.”  The Catholic Church (like a voice in the wilderness) still teaches it because it is true and always has been true!  Catholicism refuses to allow society to dictate God’s truth.  Catholic reproductive systems and non-Catholic reproductive systems were all created and designed by the same God.  Artificial birth control affects us all the same.  The truth hits everybody.  The question is, “Are we responsibly honoring God’s creative design, or are we trying to play God with our bodies just to have some pleasure?”

Here’s an interesting website I found recently about NPF.

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World Youth Day 2013

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Watching World Youth Day was inspiring and exciting.  To see over 3 million people in humble adoration to Christ in the Blessed Sacrament really recharged my battery.  Knowing that they were mostly youth from all over the world is even more encouraging.  It was such a striking image to see all the flags from various countries scattered throughout the crowd.  It was an awesome demonstration of the universality of the Church.  It was a hopeful scene.

Pope Francis’ spoke so eloquently to the youth in his homily.  I myself needed to hear his words.  “Go, do not be afraid, and serve!”  We need to be bold and fearless.  Not offensive and abrasive, but firmly gentle about what we believe, why we believe it, and what difference it makes to us and the world.  We can talk all we want, however.  Without the actual service, our words lose their meaning.  Just find a way to serve Christ and do it without fear.  Profound simplicity.

I love being Catholic!

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The Little Rear View Mirror

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I heard an analogy today that left an impression on me.  It launched a train of thought with many tracks.  “Your car has a big windshield, but a small rear view mirror.  That’s because you’re supposed to spend most of your time looking forward, and just a little time looking back.”  Maybe I’ve heard that before, but this time it stuck.  There are lots of ways to apply that analogy, but I’ll just focus on a few that came to mind.

Some people have lives that are wrecked because they spend too much time living in the past.  Maybe they enjoyed their past so much that they feel cheated or apathetic about the present or the future.  Perhaps they were deeply hurt in the past and their inability to forgive prevents them from enjoying life now.  Then there are people who live in the past because it is their familiar comfort zone.  They are afraid to grow.  Looking out the windshield is too scary, too intimidating.

Some Christians read the Bible and study Church teachings without really allowing what has been revealed in the past to impact their present and their future in a meaningful way.  It’s a bit like devouring books on carpentry without ever intending to build anything.  They like the reading and the studying, but the real-life application escapes them.  They are looking in the rear view mirror at revelation and doctrine, but failing to see how it applies to the road they are on.  They know all about Jesus, but they are not following him.  They are not seeing life and people through the eyes of Christ.

Some people use the rear view mirror primarily as a vanity mirror.  They are more focused on self than on the road or others around them.  When they finally do look out the windshield, it is out of concern for their own safety rather than everyone’s safety.  They care more about self than others, even others in the car with them.

When the rear view mirror becomes larger than the windshield, watch out.  Certainly there are times to embrace the memories of the past and reminisce with joy and gratitude.  There are times to examine the past for the purpose of healing and growth.  There is nothing wrong with enjoying the past or learning from the past.  That’s why we write things down and take photos and videos.  In order to really live abundantly, however, we can’t live in the past.  Nor can we live in the future.  We must have our eyes forward and our hands on the wheels of our vehicles.  Christ is in the pace car.  Follow him.  Where he will lead you is better than anything you’ll see in your rear view mirror.

“F” Words

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There is no better way to learn something than to live it.  That’s what we call experience.  Vicarious learning is good, but can have certain limitations.  “I have experience” actually means, “I have had some troubles.”

For example, if I hire someone with experience, I hire a person that has personal exposure to failure.  That person has messed things up in the past and has learned not to repeat those mistakes.  Much of that person’s knowledge is probably learned vicariously (i.e. other people’s mistakes), but it is the personal failures that have provided the experiential learning.  This is why people like to see an airline pilot with “a little gray around the temples.”  It is assumed that such a pilot will have already used up any rookie mistakes and is experienced as possible.  It is also why veteran combat soldiers look upon new recruits with apprehension.  “Don’t do anything to get us killed.”

The first “F” word is failure.  Failure is how we learn.  None of us exit the womb, stand up, and begin walking.  We all have to learn to flail our limbs about, then roll over, then scoot, then crawl or roll around before we can even begin to stand.  Once we stand, we can then experience the falling down required for learning to walk.  And fall we do, time and time again.  It is very endearing to watch a child fall down over and over, because we instinctively know why they are doing it.  We smile and laugh at each failure and then celebrate the success of the first steps.

At some stage, we stop appreciating failure and behave as if it is something to be avoided at all cost.  Some folks develop an overarching fear of failure.  Fear is the second “F” word.  Certainly, as we get older and more responsible, some failures carry more weight.  Some failures do need to be avoided at all cost.  Airline pilots and soldiers know this.  Nevertheless, we cannot continue to learn and grow without failure.  Actually, it is failure that helps us realize our full potential.

God gave Moses the Ten Commandments.  In our hearts and in our actions, we don’t keep the Ten Commandments very well.  We fail.  The law was given as a schoolmaster to bring us to Christ (Galatians 3:24).  Actually, we don’t break the law so much as it breaks us.  If we are honest, our lack of perfection compels us to seek out true perfection.  Enter Jesus Christ, our Redeemer.  “O happy fault that merited such and so great a Redeemer” (The Felix Culpa).

So, let not your heart be troubled.  Fear not.  Your failures taught you how to walk and then to run.  Let them lead you to everlasting life and peace as well.  Let them heal your relationships.  Let them show you your full potential in Jesus Christ.  We are all called to be saints.  There are no saints in Heaven without a past.  There are no sinners on earth without a future.  The Church is a spiritual hospital for sinners.  That’s what God’s Word is for.  That’s what the Sacrament of Reconciliation is for.  That’s what the Bread of Life is for.  We all fail.  We all can be redeemed.