Monthly Archives: August 2012

Three To Get Married

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In my training as a Marriage and Family Therapist, I was taught that married couples tend to do better when they share a cause that they perceive to be bigger than themselves.  Although this idea was presented as modern research, it is a godly principle that the Church has understood for centuries.  What Aristotle knew in his day simply reflects the fundamental human design to find fulfillment not in other humans, but in God.  In this video, Father Barron does a nice job of articulating this idea.

Is The Bread Of Life’s Flesh Of No Avail?

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Today’s Gospel reading is from John chapter 6:51-58.  It was great to hear our priest give a homily that affirmed the physical reality of Jesus in the Eucharist.  Many claim that Jesus was being metaphorical in saying that we must eat his flesh and drink his blood to have eternal life.  They use verse 64 to support the idea that Jesus was talking symbolically since he says, “It is the Spirit who gives life, the flesh is of no avail.  My words are spirit and life.”

Yet, Jesus did not say, “MY flesh is of no avail” but he said “THE flesh is of no avail.”  This was to contrast Spiritual truth with human inability to understand intellectually.  Certainly, the flesh of Jesus avails much because it is his flesh that he gives on the cross for the life of the world.  However, the flesh is our human frailty and lack of understanding, as in “The Spirit is willing but the flesh is weak,” or “You judge according to the flesh and not after God.”  The flesh indeed profits nothing!  Our human weakness cannot match the power of the Holy Spirit.

Furthermore, the word “Spirit” never means “symbolic” anywhere in Scripture.  The Spirit is very real and does not “symbolize” anything.  The Spirit is the power by which God makes calm weather out of storms, water into wine, life out of dust, creation out of nothingness, blind people see, deaf people hear and bread and wine into Christ’s own body and blood.  As God said, “Let there be light” and there was light (God’s words being Spirit and life), Jesus said, “Take and eat.  This is my body, this is my blood.”  That is Spirit and life in Jesus’ words, not metaphor!

If you are a Christian, when have you actually eaten Jesus’ flesh and drank his blood, thereby receiving the power and life of the Spirit the way Jesus prescribes?  Have you been partaking of a mere symbol?  We are called to believe the Spirit of Truth, by faith, not to understand with our fleshy brains.

(For even more on this topic, read this and this)

The Feast of Mary’s Assumption

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Today, in honor of the Blessed Virgin Mary and the Feast of her Assumption into Heaven, I am posting a favorite video.  The video does a nice job of summarizing Biblical elements of Catholic beliefs concerning Mary.  When I was raised Catholic, I missed this biblical information.  When I was Protestant, I missed this biblical information.  I am glad to know it now, as a Catholic, and I am happy to share it with you.

For The Husbands

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I’ve had a request for some ideas for husbands in terms of marriage and spiritual leadership.  I decided to create a list of ten things (in no particular order) that regularly come up in counseling sessions, daily life and in spiritual conversations.  This list is by no means exhaustive.  I personally have a lot of work to do.  We all do.  The point is to know what needs work and then work on it.  Keep in mind that doing these things can be fun.  Just because it takes some effort doesn’t mean it has to be drudgery.  It all depends on your attitude.  The rewards are well worth it.  So, here you go husbands.  I hope you find something useful here.

1)      Mutual submission:

A lot is said about wives submitting to husbands.  Yet, husbands are also called to submission.  Jesus Christ is the model.  He is the Bridegroom.  How does the Bridegroom behave towards his Bride, the Church?  He does not consider his position as God (the ultimate leader) as something to be grasped at, but humbles himself as a slave.*  Are you that way towards your bride, or are you constantly trying to dominate and overrule her choices and opinions?  Jesus submitted to the point of death for his Bride.  “Husbands, love your wives, as Jesus Christ loved the Church, and gave himself for it.”*  Would you die for your bride?  Are you willing to let even a small part of you “die” so that she can have her way?  Do you sacrifice with joy or do you allow resentment to build in your heart?

2)      Non-sexual touch and affection:

If your wife thinks you want sex every time you touch her, that’s a problem.  She needs hugs, kisses, hand-holding and physical closeness that has no “sexual strings” attached.  Many men regard women as sexual objects to be used for their own pleasure.  Not good.  Your wife is a person, a human being, a child of God, not a blow-up doll.  Treat her accordingly.  Jesus treated women with respect.  Follow his lead.  Find out what she likes.  It won’t do much good to hold her hand if she doesn’t like hand-holding.  When you know what she likes, you know her.  Then you can deliver the affection, with no expectations of having sex.

3)      Kind, respectful speech and humor:

No name-calling, even when you are angry and frustrated.  No name-calling.  No curse words.  Do not swear at your wife or your children.  Speak to them as Jesus would speak to the Church, with love.  Don’t say hurtful things to your wife and then try to cover it up with, “I was only kidding around.”  Don’t say things you will wish you could retract.  Oh, and did I say, “No name-calling?”  Bridle your tongue.*

4)      Eye contact and undivided attention:

When your wife speaks, listen, even if you think it is not relevant to you.  If you are unable to listen for some valid reason, tell her so.  Tell her you want to hear about it, and that you will listen as soon as you get a chance.  Then, keep that promise.  Also, give her eye contact.  Mute the TV, pause the game, whatever you have to do to look her in the eye and really listen.  If you forget what she said a few minutes ago, you probably weren’t really listening.  Develop your listening skills if you want to be a good husband.

5)      Conversation:

Being a good listener is part of being a good conversationalist.  Yeah, I know, men are all about “report” (just give me the facts) and women are all about “rapport” (let’s be in synch with each other mentally and emotionally).  So, conversation means different things to men and women.  That’s why men generally have shorter phone calls than women (get the gist of things and hang up).  Nevertheless, men, try to develop your rapport with your wife.  Listen and respond with more than a grunt.  Be happy with her when she’s happy.  Be sad with her when she’s sad.  Show some empathy.  Tune in.

6)      Follow through on promises, big and small:

Be faithful to your wedding vows.  That’s a big one.  Take out the trash when you say, “Ok, I’ll take it out.”  That’s a small one.  A promise is a promise.  We can’t trust someone in big things if we can’t trust him in small things.*  By the way, fidelity also means getting rid of and avoiding pornography in your life, your home, your computer, your phone, etc.  We are all called to purity and chastity within our vocations whether we are married or single.  You chose one, special woman out of millions.  Love her and her alone.  Forsake all others, even the paper or cyber ones.  As the Scripture says, “Rejoice with the wife of your youth.  Let her breasts satisfy you at all times.”*  And, yes, guys, that means the Victoria’s Secret catalog needs to go, too.

7)      Acts of service:

Find out what means “love” to her.  Do it.  Say it.  Mean it.  If it’s washing her car, wash it.  If it’s flowers, get them.  If it’s taking the kids away so she can rest, take them.  Get the picture?

8)      Spiritual initiative:

“Man up” and be a holy, spiritual Christian man.  Jesus chose twelve, ordinary, “unlearned”* men to be his apostles.  Quit making the ladies and the clergy do all the “spiritual work.”  The clergy is only there to prepare us, the laity, to do the real work.  That means go to church, pray with your family, read and study your Bible and your Catechism, know your faith, share your faith and be prepared to defend it against secularism, relativism, hedonism and any other “ism” that distorts truth.  “For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.”*  That ought to make a guy feel like wielding the sword of the Spirit to defend his family from the powers of darkness.  Look at it this way: if you heard someone breaking into your home, would you send your wife to deal with it while you stayed in bed?

9)      If you have children, be active and engaged with them:

You are a role model, whether you want to be or not.  You are either a good one or a bad one.  Be a good one.  Love your children with your time, your attention, and your presence.  It isn’t enough to be a financial provider.  They need their dad, not just dad’s money.  It also shows that the sex you have with your wife means more to you than lust or physical pleasure.  It means that you and your wife share in God’s creative power together and God blessed that union by creating new human beings.  If you want to know why sex is sacred and not to be used, abused or taken for granted, spend time with your children and look deeply into their eyes.  Yep, that’s why God made sex.

10)  Ask your wife what she needs/wants/likes:

There is no better expert on how to treat your wife than…your wife.  No two people are the same.  No two wives are the same.  Talk to your wife.  Ask her how you are doing as a husband.  Ask her where you can improve, and then, actually work on it.  You and your wife decided to create something that never existed before; your marriage.  Your marriage is not there to serve you.  You are there to serve your marriage and your spouse.  Find out what you need to do better and what you are already doing well, for the sake of your marriage.  With a humble heart, ask God to help you.

 

*I’ll let you look up these Scriptures on your own.  Good way to show some initiative, men!

Dad, Did We Always Have Cell Phones?

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I was reflecting recently on all the technology that my children will grow up with and take for granted.  To them, a cell phone is just a part of the world that has always been.  When they are older, they may be introduced to some of the historical origins of such items, assuming they pay attention.  I thought about the technology I had as a kid and how my parents did without it.  I knew such things as records, radios and telephones did not always exist, but I really didn’t care much about where they came from.  I knew the story of Alexander Graham Bell, but that was about it.  When the older generation reminisced about how things used to be, it was fun to listen to, but it was an alien world to me.

The way kids take technology for granted is similar to how Christians take the Bible for granted.  The average Christian in the pew of any church can probably tell you that the Bible is important, or even that it is the inerrant, authoritative, infallible Word of God, because that is what they have been told.  The average Christian has little or no sense of where the Bible came from, nor do they care.  The Bible is, well, just the Bible.  God could have plopped it down from the sky one day for all they know.

What the average Christian does not consider is that, after the resurrection of Jesus, it was nearly 400 years before the Bible was assembled and given an official stamp of approval.  There were a lot of documents that Christians had access to, but it took 400 years for someone to decide which documents should be considered the inspired Word of God.  The Christians that follow the Bible today, regardless of denomination, apparently believe that whoever decided to put the writings of the New Testament together got it right.  That means that whoever assembled the New Testament must have been led by God to choose the writings that they chose.  That someone was the Catholic Church.  This was one of the reasons I returned to Catholicism.

It made no sense to me to follow the Bible while rejecting the Church that gave us the Bible.  I found it particularly ironic that I had once been a part of denominations that considered themselves to be strict, Bible-believing Christians but also regarded the Catholic Church to be “The Whore of Babylon.”  Really?  God used “The Whore of Babylon” and the “anti-Christ Pope” to assemble the New Testament?  When I realized how ignorant of history I had been I was astounded.  Yet, I was the prototypical Christian of today.  Ask any Christian where the New Testament came from and few will be able to say that the Catholic Church assembled it and made it official.

It made no sense to me that God would establish the Catholic Church, guide that Church with the Holy Spirit to compile the New Testament, and then use that same Bible and Holy Spirit to constantly split his Church into literally thousands of competing and bickering little churches.  It also made no sense that those little churches so strongly believe the Bible while rejecting and/or ignoring the Church authority that gave it to them.  How is it that The Catholic Church got the Bible right but is all wrong about how it interprets that Bible?  Jesus promised to lead his Church into “all truth” not “partial truth.”  Jesus never promised to only lead the Church until the Bible was assembled and then put the Bible “up for grabs.”  Either the Holy Spirit guides the Catholic Church or he does not.  If you believe that the Bible is the infallible, inspired Word of God, then you also believe that the Catholic Church is infallibly guided by the Holy Spirit in matters of faith and morals.  You’ve just been taking it for granted, like your telephone and your television.